


polarize

by vipertooths



Series: IASIP [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: (prologue pov dennis), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Codependency, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Constipation, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, POV Mac, Season/Series 13, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, ur basic macden shit yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:51:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vipertooths/pseuds/vipertooths
Summary: It's the fourth night in a row that Mac's been out, the eleventh time in the past three weeks.It shouldn't matter.It matters.





	1. Prologue

It's the fourth night in a row that Mac's been out, the eleventh time in the past three weeks.

It shouldn't matter.

It matters.

Dennis' hands are shaking and he wraps them around his torso. He wants to throw something, breaking something, make someone hurt--maybe himself. He wants to scream. At Mac. At Dee and Charlie. At the world at large. Nobody fucking cared that he left. They all got along just fine without him. They replaced him with a damn doll. Even when he gave them the chance to ask about what he'd been doing for all that time, they couldn't be bothered to dredge up a single question between the four of them.

"How fucking dare they," he grinds out, shoving the coffee table over with his foot. The cups make a satisfying sound as they shatter on the floor. "How fucking dare they pretend that their lives weren't miserable without me."

Even as he says the words, it's a struggle to believe them. _Pretending, pretending, pretending._ His mind latches onto the word and he squeezes his eyes shut. He brought it on himself. He knows that, deep down. But that comes too close to hurting, so he shoves it away.

It's too bright, the light seeping through his eyelids so that all he sees is red. He lashes out blindly at the lamp beside him and is plunged into darkness as it strikes the floor. He tries to steady his breathing and knows he's failing. It makes him angry and the anger makes it even harder to stop. They were supposed to care. They _had_ to care. What else did they have to look forward to in their pathetic lives if not his company?

His head throbs and his lungs hurt and he knows he's having an anxiety attack and he feels like a fucking idiot. There's no reason to feel the way he's feeling. There's no excuse for letting something like that get to him, letting _them_ get to him, but knowing how stupid it all is doesn't settle him at all. Really, it just makes him feel worse.

The door opens some time later. Maybe a minute. Maybe an hour. Dennis doesn't try to check the time. Mac attempts to shuffle through the darkened room, failing miserably at being quiet. He crunches down a piece of glass before he finally decides to turn the ceiling light on. Dennis should have gotten up and went to his room before his roommate got back, but he didn't, and he really doesn't want to suffer through questioning.

"Dennis? What happened?"

His feelings are distant, far away in some place he can't touch. It's not the same as when he chooses to shut them off. He lifts his head and tries to adjust to the brightness of the room. "I broke some shit. What does it look like?"

Mac gives him a look caught between confusion and concern. "Why, man?"

"I was angry. Now, I'm tired." Dennis uncurls himself from the couch and makes his way to his room. He listens to Mac cleaning up his mess and falls into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really back on my macdennis bullshit. this happens every time a new season comes out lmao. 
> 
> also i know a lot of people on tumblr hate twenty one pilots but some of their songs vibe mac and/or dennis so well and here's an exhaustive list of what i think fits them best:
> 
>  
> 
> [doubt](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/doubt.html)  
> [be concerned](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/beconcerned.html)  
> [anathema](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/anathema.html)  
> [trees](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/trees.html)  
> [semi-automatic](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/semiautomatic.html)  
> [clear](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/clear.html)  
> [fake you out](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/fakeyouout.html)  
> [the judge](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/thejudge.html)  
> [polarize](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/polarize.html)  
> [holding on to you](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/holdingontoyou.html)  
> [goner](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/goner.html)  
> [jumpsuit](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/jumpsuit.html)  
> [chlorine](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/chlorine.html)  
> [the hype](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/thehype.html)  
> [cut my lip](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/cutmylip.html)  
> [leave the city](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/twentyonepilots/leavethecity.html)


	2. Chapter 2

Mac barely gets any sleep after cleaning up Dennis' mess, but he manages to force himself up out of bed a few hours later. He changes his clothes and heads out to buy some breakfast burritos for him and Dennis. The gesture probably won't be appreciated, but he can still hope.

When he gets back, he finds Dennis sitting at the kitchen table and joins him, setting the breakfast burritos down and pushing one towards him as a preemptive peace offering.

Mac hasn't done anything wrong (that he knows of, at least), but it didn’t hurt to make his peaceful intentions known before trying to talk.

Dennis gives him a nod and unwraps his burrito, taking a bite and continuing to stare unseeingly somewhere to the left.

Eventually, Mac finds the nerve to broach the subject. “So, about last night..”

He waits for Dennis to look at him before he continues, even if the look he’s receiving is a bit daunting.

“What was that all about?”

Dennis’ eyes narrow, assessing. “What was all what about, Mac?”

Mac deflates. So it’s going to be one of those times Dennis pretends nothing happened. “I just want to help, bro.”

His voice is soft, almost sullen, and he shifts his gaze to the table. He knows this kind of behavior can set Dennis off, but most things have that chance anyway and he’s working against a lifelong habit.

Instead of yelling, Dennis stands and tosses his mostly eaten burrito in the trash. “How about you help tend the bar for once in your life? That would be helpful.” He walks away without looking back, grabbing his keys and leaving Mac to trail after him.

 

 

 

“Yeah, man, I totally get it.”

“I don’t really think you do, Charlie, or you’d be doing your goddamn job!”

Mac watches silently as Dennis finally gets frustrated enough to send Charlie away, the latter of whom gives him a confused look. He gives a mildly sympathetic one back and opens a beer. Dennis might be moody, but he does have a point; Charlie almost never cleans dick around Paddy’s.

“And you!”

Mac freezes with the beer bottle to his lips. “Me?”

“I know that you’re over there silently agreeing with me. But what are you doing, Mac? How are you being any more useful than he is?”

Dee chooses just then to interrupt, coming through the doors with a greeting that is loud and ear-grating as always.

“So, I was walking down the street and—”

“Nobody gives a shit,” Dennis snaps, going back to scrubbing the sticky counter top as he’d been doing before the argument with Charlie.

She glances at Mac as she takes a seat. “What’s his problem?”

“My problem is that none of you ever do what you’re supposed to do.”

Dee pauses as she considers his words, then sends him a blank look. “What are we supposed to be doing?”

“Working, you bitch!” Dennis shouts, voice high, and Mac snorts at the insult before Dennis’ glare shuts him up.

Dee rolls her eyes, nonplussed. “God, this again? Valentine's Day was a month ago, dickweed.” She looks to Mac with a smirk, as if she expects him to join in her jest. He isn't going to, because he doesn't want to incur Dennis' wrath, and because the joke isn't funny anyway. Dee is never funny.

"If it wasn't for Frank's money, you guys would have run this place into the ground years ago. You are _incapable_ of ever taking your jobs seriously."

"That's not true. We were almost a reputable bar when Cindy was here. Anyway, who gives a shit? Frank's not gonna run out of money anytime soon."

"Well, I kind of give shit," Mac says, "because I can't just steal Frank's credit card whenever I want something."

Dee barks out a laugh and turns to him. "Whenever you want something, you go to Dennis. Seriously, Mac, if it weren't for Cindy, you would've lost your apartment. Tell me, who's been paying the rent since Dennis came back?"

Mac rubs his neck and Dennis has gone still, the washcloth clenched in his fist. "I didn't actually pay the rent while Dennis was gone."

"What do you mean you didn't pay? What were you doing with your share of the money Cindy was bringing in? Wait, how did you not get kicked out?" She looks back and forth between the two of them before leaning back and smiling wickedly at her brother. "Does D—"

"Finish that question and I will gut you and mount you on the wall."

She rolls her eyes and hops off the bar stool. "Whatever, losers. Have fun working the empty pub."

Dennis sputters angrily after her before giving up and stomping out from behind the bar. As he makes a beeline toward the door, Mac follows silently, glad that Dennis doesn't stop him from getting in the Range Rover.

They drive for thirty minutes with the music on low and he's still contemplating if it's wise to speak when Dennis nearly runs someone off the road and into a pole.

"Dennis, you should pull over. You're gonna get us killed, man."

"If you die, that's your own fault. Nobody asked you to come."

Mac pushes down the sting of the comment and tries again. "You really wanna go out by ramming into the rear end of some granny's car?"

He lets out a huff of frustration, but finally pulls over.

"What are you so angry about anyway? And don't tell me it's about the bar, because nobody ever does their job there." Dee was right with the implication that the last time this happened was on last year's Valentine's Day. Ugh, it made him shudder to agree with her, even in his head. "I know you think I'm a dumbass, but I do get things. You're not angry about us not doing our jobs."

Dennis turned to him sharply. "Are you analyzing me right now? Tell me again where you majored in psychology."

"I'm just trying to help—"

"I didn't ask for your help, Mac! I didn't ask for you to follow me out and bitch about my driving! Nobody _ever_ asks you to do the bullshit you do!"

Anger and hurt rise in him at equal strength and sees himself out of the Rover and begins walking in what he hopes is the right direction. Dennis calls something behind him, probably an insult, but the blood in his ears drowns it out.

 

 

 

He gets lost for a few hours before finding himself at another bar. He drinks until the bartender cuts him off and he leaves. The sun is down and he knows Dennis is probably at the apartment, so he does what he's been doing to avoid all of his Dennis related frustrations and heads to The Rainbow.

It doesn't take long before he runs into Nick, a guy he hooks up with semi-regularly, who pulls him into the bathroom and promptly drops to his knees. Mac tries to push everything else from his head, to focus on the feeling of a warm mouth around him, but Nick must be able to tell he's not as into it as he usually is. He pulls away and looks up with a dry expression. "Not tonight, huh?"

Mac tucks himself back into his pant and takes a heavy seat on the toilet, running his fingers through his hair. That Dennis was now even ruining his ability to get off was a cruel irony.

Nick rearranges himself so his back is propped against the door. "What's his name?"

The bass thumps outside the bathroom in time with the new headache Mac has developed and he puts his face into his hands. He mumbles a short, "What?" through them.

"Whoever it is you're hung up on."

 

 

 

Mac gets home late after having a two hour discussion in a bathroom stall with his booty call about the love of his life. He's more sober than someone in his position has any right to be, but Nick had convinced him to just go home instead of staying to drink more.

He isn't sure what he's expecting when he walks in the door, but it's not a broken mirror and Dennis bleeding all over the floor. He rushes in, reaching for Dennis' bloody hand, only for it to be jerked away from him.

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine, dude. You're dripping blood everywhere." He reaches for Dennis again, who thankfully lets himself be guided into the bathroom where Mac can rinse off the cuts and bandage them up. Any anger he'd been holding onto from that afternoon was gone and he sighed as he seated Dennis on the couch and went to make some coffee, because it was either that or beer, and he really didn't need to deal with Dennis drinking in this state.

He returns with two cups, burning his mouth twice before giving up and setting it down on the table next. Dennis simply stares at his blankly until Mac takes it and sets it next to his own.

He considers everything Nick said to him as the minutes tick by in silence. Taking a deep breath, he braces for another outburst, then says, "Wanna talk about it yet?"

Dennis reaches for his coffee and Mac worries that he's about to get doused in it, but Dennis simply chugs it down, stands, and walks into his bedroom. Mac sighs and lets his head fall back on the couch. He remembers simpler times, times when Dennis actually confided in him, at least as much as he would confide in anyone.

As more memories stream in, he feels suddenly unsteady, even though he's sitting. He's probably less sober than he'd thought. He drinks his coffee and doesn't fall asleep until five in the morning.

 

 

 

Dennis, as per usual, acts like everything is fine the next day. Mac wonders if he can sue someone for emotional whiplash when Dennis says they're going to go camping.

"Who's going camping?"

"Us, asshole. Get packed."

It's a testament to how tired he is that he doesn't bother with any questions until they're an hour into the ride to their mystery destination. "Why are we going camping?"

"We used to go camping all the time, dude."

"We went camping like three times. And you hated it."

Dennis rolled his eyes, but his strangely good mood was thankfully not shaken. "Whatever. Listen, I just thought it'd be nice to get out and breathe some fresh air."

One would think he had had enough fresh air in Dakota. The thought made Mac tense. Was he missing it there? Did he want to go back? Mac hadn't given much thought to how Dennis had mentioned that his time in Philadelphia might be temporary, mostly because he hadn't _wanted_ to give thought to it. Now, though, it's all he _can_ think about. Dennis could be gone again. At any moment, he could leave and maybe next time he won't come back.

Mac's not delusional enough anymore to think Dennis would stay on his account either. The year with him gone had proven that much. Still, he's not sure what he might do if it comes down to it. Plead maybe, which Dennis would probably just find undignified and laughable.

He falls silent, much more awake than he had been before. Dennis glances at him a few times, eyebrows drawn together, but Mac keeps his lips pressed tight together.

They stop first to buy a tent and sleeping bags, because they clearly wouldn't just have those things lying around, and second to get something to eat. The conversation is nice and Dennis doesn't yell—doesn't even glare—at him once, which makes him feel better, but the idea of impending doom continues to hang over his head anyway.

They get to the campsite mid-afternoon. A family is already set up there and offer to help them with their tent, so they let the strangers do the work for them. They sit down on a log and stare at the unlit firewood as their tent is assembled behind them. It's weird as shit, especially without Dee around to bother them like the other times they'd done this.

"Uh, Dennis?"

"Yeah, man?"

"What do we do now?"

Dennis looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Isn't camping _your_ area of expertise?"

It's not, really, but Mac isn't going to ruin Dennis thinking he's good at something. He tries to recall some of the things he had wanted to do on camping trips as a teenager, but his mind runs blank. He's saved from coming up with something on his own when a girl who looks to be about twelve is nearly karate chopped in the throat for sneaking up him. He tells her as much, earning a snort from Dennis, and she apologizes with a smile.

"Do you guys want to come hiking with us?"

Mac looks to Dennis, feeling completely out of his depth. Usually, he knows what Dennis would want him to say, but things have been weird all day. Surprisingly, Dennis agrees, standing and grabbing two beer bottles from their cooler before they leave. He holds one out to Mac, who feels something warm unfurl in his chest at the offer.

 

 

 

They all manage to make it back to the campsite in one piece a few hours later, even if their egos aren't all in the same shape as when they'd left. Dennis had a hard time keeping pace, but maintained a biting verbal battle with the elder son, blasphemously named Jesus. The girl, Nina, sang 'The Song That Never Ends' for most of their hike, which had drilled itself into Mac's head until he began singing along.

They cook and eat together and eventually find out that the family, barring Jesus, are the 'early to bed and early to rise' kind of people. It left the three of them around the small fire after dark and Mac thinks it isn't too bad. The kid is almost annoying enough to be a replacement Dee, so it feels almost like old times.

Jesus helps himself to one of their beers, ignoring Dennis' protests, and sprawls out across from them with his back pressed against the log. "Camping sucks."

"Tell me about it," Dennis mutters, scratching a bug bite on his arm. Mac doesn't point out that this whole thing was Dennis' idea. Sometimes he has hiccups like this, where he'll have a day or two of doing something completely non-Dennis, and then things will go back to normal. Mac is used to it by now.

"Was it like this in South Dakota?" Mac finds himself asking, because the fear of Dennis leaving has done the opposite of ease as the day went on.

Dennis stills before taking a long drink of his beer. "North Dakota. I gave you the chance to ask about it weeks ago, Mac. Why the sudden curiosity?"

Mac looks off into the darkened forest, not really having a good answer, a Dennis-approved answer.

"Why would anyone want to live in South Dakota?" Jesus asks, nose wrinkled.

" _North Dakota_. And that's none of your business, man. Who would want to live in Philadelphia?"

He can't help it; he turns to Dennis with wide eyes. "You don't want to live in Philly? Are you going back?"

"Why the hell would it matter to you? You didn't try to stop me the last time I left." Dennis finishes off his bottle and throws it into the woods.

Well, no, Mac hadn't. But that was because he was positive it wouldn't have done any good. And maybe some small part of him hadn't really thought Dennis would be gone for so long. Maybe he had just assumed it was one of those hiccups. He remembers then that he had _tried_ to call Dennis and was redirected to a mental hospital instead. His anger flares. "You can't blame that shit on me. _You_ left, Dennis, and you didn't even leave me your actual phone number."

Dennis blinks at him. Almost like—

"You don't even remember, do you? That's so _typical_. I can see how much thought you gave to us while you were away." He thought that maybe Dennis would have missed him just a little, but Dennis hadn't even thought of him long enough to remember why he hadn't called.

"I did _not_ sign up for this," Jesus mumbles, and Dennis rounds on him with a darkening complexion.

"And I didn't sign up to hear a whiny, sixteen-year-old cretin's worthless opinions, but here we are, bud!"

Jesus simply raises his eyebrows and Mac's had enough of Dennis' bullshit for one night. He doesn't understand why he was dragged out to a place that neither of them wanted to be, or why he kept coming home to broken glass and upturned tables, or why Dennis can't just fucking _tell him_ what the problem is. He stands up and starts walking toward the trail they hiked earlier and Dennis calls after him, but he doesn't stop.

He only gets a few steps onto the trail before a hand is wrapping around his arm and he lets himself be turned around.

"You have no light and no sense of direction. You go out there and you won't be coming back tonight."

"Whatever, man. Maybe I'll find a bear to sleep next to. I'm sure it would appreciate my company more than you."

"Your ability to fill up it's stomach is what it would appreciate."

Mac throws up his hands. "As if you'd care! You haven't given a shit about me in years! Or maybe ever!"

"Of course, I fucking care! You're the one who doesn't care!"

"You don't make any sense, Dennis! The only thing I've done since high school is care about you!" The screaming, which seems much louder in the quiet of the forest, is making his head hurt.

"You guys didn't give a shit that I was leaving, you didn't give a shit while I was gone, and didn't give a shit when I came back!"

He lets out an angry groan, about ready to rip his own hair out. "How did you even come to that conclusion?"

"I saw you guys dancing from outside the bar, asshole! You blew up my car! You replaced me with some _bitch_ named Sidney! And don't give me all that bullshit about caring since we were in high school! I saw you on the Kiss Cam at the Superbowl!"

"What?" His anger is doused in confusion. "With Rex?"

"Forget this. I'm going to sleep. We leave in the morning."

Dennis stomps away, leaving Mac standing at the edge of the camp clearing trying to understand what just happened. The idea he keeps coming back to is that Dennis is upset with his kissing Rex because he's jealous, but that's ridiculous, because why would it suddenly matter _now_ who he hooked up with? And Dennis had been with his family then anyway, had been bringing girls to the apartment since coming back. Most importantly, he had been explicit about his non-existent feelings for Mac.

"This camping trip is wild," Jesus says, glancing back and forth between Mac and the tent where Dennis had disappeared.

Mac wants to tell him to shut up, but it would feel wrong to say the words, "Shut up, Jesus," so he settles on flipping him the bird and following after Dennis.

He slips into the tent and zips the door up behind him before feeling around in the dark for his sleeping bag. He crawls in and stares up at the stars for a few minutes before he risks speaking.

"Dennis, I know I'm probably wrong but are you, uh, jealous?"

He doesn't get an answer, which isn't the worst thing.

"Because, I mean, there's nothing going on between me and Rex. It's probably pretty obvious that I..." He trails off, feels his palms begin to sweat. Everyone knows anyway, has always known. He takes a breath. "I still love you, dude."

He thinks that maybe Dennis is actually asleep until he hears the shifting of the sleeping bag. When his own sleeping bag is unzipped and Dennis is suddenly straddling him, well, it wouldn't take much convincing for him to believe it's a dream.

"Then prove it," Dennis says quietly, and Mac gulps, trying to think any way he could possibly be misinterpreting the situation. Finding none, he lets his hands come up to rest on Dennis' hips. He wishes he could fucking _see_ , but just knowing it's Dennis above him is good enough.

He lets his hands travel cautiously under Dennis' shirt, his heart beating double time in his chest. When nothing horrible happens and he doesn't suddenly wake up back in his bed, he gets braver. He takes his time exploring before his fingers move to waistband of Dennis' briefs. He tugs it down enough to wrap his hand around Dennis' dick, feeling his own straining against his pants. He's done this before, but he can't help worrying that he'll mess something up and ruin everything. What if he's the worst lay Dennis ever has? There's so much expectation to live up to and his palms start sweating again.

"Hey, stay with me, baby boy." Dennis' fingers travel up his chest and neck to cup his cheek.

He nods and starts on what he hopes is a worthwhile hand job, working from memory on what seemed to please Dennis most when he was with girls. His other hand is splayed on Dennis' thigh, his fingertips underneath the briefs. He works slowly, feeling more and more aroused with every sound he's able to pull from Dennis' lips. A thought occurs to him and he stops, earning himself a groan.

"I was so _close_ , Mac."

"Sorry, I was just wondering, uh, do you wanna..." He's not sure how to ask the question, but Dennis seems to understand anyway.

"No, this is fine. This is _good_."

Mac doesn't have to be told twice and he picks up where he left off, stroking until Dennis has to plant both of his hands on the side of Mac's head to hold himself up. He says Mac's name just before he comes and it's the best thing Mac has ever heard in his life. He's still painfully hard and expects that he'll have to deal with that himself, but Dennis reaches down to unbutton his jeans after a few seconds of panting.

Mac groans as spit-slicked fingers wrap around him and decides that they _definitely_ need to come camping more often.

 

 

 

"Where the hell have you two been?" Dee asks when they get to Paddy's the next afternoon. "You know there's always a rush on—"

"Shut up, bird," Dennis interjects and Mac laughs because the insult will never get old.

Dennis slips behind the bar and Mac takes a seat on one of the stools, swiping the beer from in front of Dee. When she tries to snatch it back, he chugs the entire thing in one go, letting out a burp that has her leaning back and waving her hand through the air.

"You guys are assholes."

They share a smirk, unoffended.

"Oh, God, did you guys finally bang?"

Mac blinks, wondering how she could possibly know that. It was hardly his fault that he woke up hard when Dennis' ass was pressed against his dick.

"Ugh, that's gross. I better not catch you two going at it in the bar. I swear to God, I'll chop your junk off."

Mac purses his lips and vows to himself to bang Dennis on every available surface in the bar just to spite her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i do okay? this sort of got away from me. somehow, i always default on camping. anyway, kudos and comments very much appreciated! taking gif/ficlet requests on tumblr too @ [vipertooth](http://vipertooth.tumblr.com)


End file.
